Title: Switch 1/2
Word Count: 8,000 (approx)
Rating: NC-17 (Sex, Consensual BDSM, Kink)
Summary: Logan and Veronica confront their problems and their need to be with each other, in a different way.
Timeline: Both parts start one week after "The Bitch is Back."
A/N: This is not a story for everyone. It embraces alternate lifestyles and intmate practices not easily accepted by many.
1.
It shouldn't be a shock to see her in the doorway when he answers the knock. Maybe it's that he's spent a week thinking about where (if at all) they might find some common ground in a murky future. She broke up with Piz the same day as the fight in the food court, gossip courtesy of Dick, but he knew it without being told. The look in her eyes that day had said it all; Veronica has always been turned on by Logan punching someone out on her behalf.
It's been a week since Veronica's dad lost the election for sheriff to Vinnie Van Lowe. A week since Logan beat the crap out of that Russian mob weasel, Gorya Sorokin. A week since he's seen Veronica and with no expectations of seeing her until after the summer, if then. She had said it was going to take time. Of course that was before he'd beaten up Sorokin and seen the expression on her face.
That same day Logan called a few of his father's old movie connections. Since he hadn't gotten a call back until yesterday, he had stayed in the hotel avoiding possible repercussions from Sorokin's Russian mob-connected family. However, Logan's own connection came through, a firm Aaron had researched for one of his tough-guy roles, a firm that specializes in neutralizing threats. That should hold off any violence, at least for a while. It's odd that he should even take such precautions but after last week he finds he's not into challenging death anymore.
Well, that's a thought to pursue some night on the far side of a bottle. Right now, Veronica is standing in the doorway. She seems like a ghost conjured from all he's been thinking about and they just stand staring at each other for that usual second or two too long before he shakes his head to clear it and asks her in.
"Were you just in the neighborhood? Taking a poll? Selling cookies?" Logan gives her the lopsided half smile that always seems to make her relax a little. It works. She looks up and smiles back with a hint of the old Veronica twinkle.
"Actually, would you be interested in financing my next movie? Since the first one was such a hit, I thought it might be nice to get paid." Veronica replies, then, "Oh, crap. That didn't come out right. I may not be over that incident but I really haven't been dwelling on it. It's not like this is new territory."
She shrugs, straightens, and asks if she can sit. Logan gestures to the leather sofa then raids the suite's mini fridge for two bottles of water, handing one to Veronica. Logan sits, for now, on the far side of the L-shaped sofa. He remains silent, watching her, waiting.
"The thing is," Veronica says after a deep breath, "You're the only one who understands." Looking daggers at him so he knows to stay quiet she continues, "I can't talk about this to anyone and -- who would I talk to, anyway? Wallace left two days ago for Uganda. Mac is humoring her family by going on a camping trip in Arizona." She snorts, "Mac hates camping. And, Dad? He ended up tampering with evidence because I couldn't tell him about the video." She shudders slightly; Logan realizes it's the thought of her dad ever seeing that video. "I thought I could make it all go away and he wouldn't need to know. I did make a lot of it go away, but it wasn't in time, was it?" She pauses, looks at Logan, tacitly giving him permission to speak.
"Is it your dad losing the election or the almost-sex video that's the biggest problem, Veronica?" Logan asks, still looking at her straight on, keeping his tone neutral. "And you know I understand so stop with the dirty looks, okay?" His lifted eyebrow makes her relax again. Good.
"It feels like it's all mixed together and I don't like this feeling of guilt," she says, trying to meet his eyes and almost succeeding. "Dad was acting sheriff, I broke in to Jake Kane's house, and ended up taking the hard drive with the huge list of all those 'Castle' members. Sometimes Dad forgets that I'm better than he is at digging up the dirt. Or, maybe it was his being sheriff again? More morality? I wish I knew. If only he'd waited to erase that DVR." She frowns, unsure of herself, "Since the day before the election we haven't felt comfortable around each other. Dad knows about the break in and what was on the hard drive."
Veronica sighs deeply, looking up into Logan's eyes, "But he knows there's something more, something that I can't tell him." Keeping her eyes on his even though he can see it's costing her, she continues, "There are just some things a daughter can't tell her father. The rape when I was sixteen. And this sex video. He'd try to bring every last person involved to justice and end up dead in the process. Worst of all, he'd never be able to look at me again." She sees that Logan is waiting for her to continue, "We'll get over the rift but we'll never be the same. It feels lonely." She looks at him almost pleadingly, "I know I have to grow up. I know Dad and I will drift apart a little, but ... "
She sighs, and changes the subject, "What I don't like most of all is what happened between us." She looks confused again, as though she hadn't quite meant to say that.
Logan takes the bait, "Which 'between us' are you referring to, Veronica?" he says. "There are a hell of a lot to choose from." There's a definite edge to his voice and his eyes flash.
Suddenly, for only a moment, the remembered devastation is annihilating. Veronica, slowly beginning to resent him for trying to look out for her safety. Logan trying to do the right thing and breaking it off so that they can at least share friendship. The night in Aspen with Madison that was only a lonely attempt to find the impossible. Veronica, damn her, coming back and Logan unable to resist having her so close to him again. Veronica, the person who is past and present and a future he has never thought to see. Veronica, who has been a part of him since they were both twelve years old and friends. Veronica, the only person alive who knows him. Veronica, finding out about Madison and leaving. He should have beat up Madison that night she came to the suite when Veronica was there. Why hadn't he thought of that at the time? Two birds with one stone. One skanky girl taken care of and Veronica hot from watching him beat up someone she despises. Nah, it would never have worked. But a guy can dream, huh?
Repressing the memories, he finally sees what the real problem with Veronica is. She can't be daddy's girl anymore, at least not the way she has been. She's growing up and away from Keith; their tight unit of two-against-the-world is shifting. By coming to Logan she is, whether she's completely aware of it yet, inviting him into her own inner circle.
"No, scratch what you thought you just heard. I didn't say it," he drops his head for a moment then looks at her again, this time with more patience. After all the years they've known each other, after all they have been -- friends, lovers, enemies -- she's finally coming to him as an equal. The thought is so completely wonderful, he can afford to be patient, afford to let her take as much time as she needs to realize she has just accepted him in the same way she accepts her dad.
Her own eyes snapping to his, she replies, "You did. And it's okay. If there are few things in the universe that are unchanging at least it's fair to say that the two of us will screw each other around." She smiles at him as she adds, "Oh, and that I'll probably be a bitch and you'll beat someone up."
He smiles back and, just like that, it's better between them. With all the ways they can hurt and misunderstand each other, how can they always find that recognition when it's needed? They know each other too well.
"Have you heard anything from Gory Sorokin?" Veronica asks, relaxing against the sofa. "While it was very satisfying to see that jerk on the floor with blood coming out his nose, his family is scary. And I mean scary as in 'people disappearing and no bodies ever found' scary." Taking a long drink from the water bottle, she continues, "I had a chat with Jake Kane's hit man and he's going to look into stabilizing Gory and his family ..."
Logan tells her about his own arrangement then asks, "You and Clarence Weidman? You are friends with Jake Kane's security guy? Since when?"
"Since the time he needed help with the disappearance of Abel Koontz's daughter," Veronica replies, "and that's all I'll say. Except that, somehow, me and CW ended up with a wary mutual respect for each other's, umm, how shall I say, truth finding abilities? Yeah, that's it." She gives a small grin. "Anyway, I thought he'd be the guy to ask about protecting a big, dumb, ex-boyfriend from a Russian mobster's son after said ex-boyfriend beat the crap out of him to avenge my ... 'honor?' ... even though we both know I don't have any." The grin turns slightly rueful.
Logan gets up and sits down next to her, as he's wanted to do since she came in, and lays his hand against her cheek. Now is the time to let her know what he's been thinking about for the last week. Now, when she isn't pulling away either physically or emotionally. Of all the women he's been with none have the power that Veronica does. Bitchy, prickly, occasionally gentle, always the one woman he can't forget.
"You do know how much I've always admired that bitch inside of you, don't you?" Logan's voice is warm as he continues. "As angry as we can make each other, as screwed up as we can get, you're the only girl who can turn me on just by being a bitch." He half smiles as he goes on, "And -- are you sure I'm still an EX-boyfriend?" Veronica doesn't try to deny anything, but he can tell she's still confused. Obviously, she hadn't come here with an intent to throw herself into his arms. Or, she had told herself she hadn't.
Logan's eyes take her in from her blonde ponytail, past her white t-shirt and jeans, then back up to the dark blue eyes that have always been his downfall. No woman, bitch or not, should be allowed to have eyes that color.
He's tried to move on, tried to be what Veronica dictates even when she doesn't know what she's dictating. After the last break up when he finally realized he wasn't going to physically die, and that was up in the air for a while, after he'd come to a place of calm, he realized what he needed to do to get back the friendship even if nothing more was possible. Be civil and friendly and don't put any pressure on her. It had worked, too. Until all the hurt that was lurking inside came to a head when he saw that video. Then, Logan knew that he could never move on because Veronica was the only person who would ever mean anything.
"I know you don't trust me and that's okay .." Logan starts to tell her.
Veronica interrupts, "That's not completely true, Logan. I trust you as much as I trust anyone .."
Logan shushes her and continues, "It's okay because I trust you. Completely." He takes her hand in his and just lets it rest. "We've tried a lot of ways to make this thing between us work, Veronica. So far, the count isn't in our favor but I don't think either of us can let go. So, what now?"
He glances at her, sees she's listening and not just humoring him, "Okay, so here's the weird part. You know what my father did to me. I hated the abuse and I despised him. Still," and Logan looks down because he's afraid there might be condemnation in her eyes, the one thing he couldn't stand from her, as he continues, "there came a point in my childhood where the beatings became pleasurable. It wasn't that it was my dad who was doing it -- crap, no! But I started to like the pain. Some shrink would have lots to say about that, I'm sure."
Veronica, only slightly surprised, says, "Logan. I think this is the first time you have ever voluntarily talked about your dad's abuse -- at least to me."
"I've never wanted you to see me that way. Pitiful. " Logan swallows and continues, "But I've started to realize that liking pain isn't a bad thing. It's the intent behind the giving and the getting, if that makes sense?" Carefully, wanting to be sure he was clear, he continues, "I think it was the ritual my father set up for 'formal' beatings. I had to go choose the belt I'd get beaten with. After a while I started to get into that. No, I don't want to be burned with a cigarette lighter or have my nose broken. Or, have food forced down my throat until I gag. Those things were momentary cruelties that merely scared the crap out of me. The belt beatings gave me a chance to prepare. And a strange kind of choice. Even a small amount of my own power."
He ventures another upward glance: she's listening intently again, watching him closely. As well as they know each other, Logan has never told her much about what his dad did. She seems to be sorting through a puzzle that has eluded her. A puzzle she's slowly working through. It's a familiar Veronica stance. With others she's quick witted from the get-go but with Logan she's always needed time to process.
"Veronica, you've heard of BDSM, right? Power Exchange? S/M?" Logan knows she has, has even worked on a couple of domestic dispute cases with her dad that involved those things. He's watching her and sees when the puzzle pieces fall into place. She stares at him with comprehension and only a small trace of wariness.
"Yes," she answers, "I know what it is ... but, what does that have to do with you? With me?"
Okay, so not all the puzzle pieces are in place yet. He tends to forget that in one area, sex, he has a lot more experience than she does. He's so used to thinking of her as the one with all the answers but when it comes down to it, she's still only had sex with two people.
Logan, however, has a lot of experience. He's been cruel to sex partners and watched them get off on being hurt and humiliated. For him, it wasn't so much a conscious choice, it was more like he needed to be cruel because no one ever measured up to what he was seeking. It gave him a momentary thrill to see a partner begging him; it made the sex, while still impersonal, a bit more edgy. They ended up wanting more and he usually gave it, but there was always a desire to find the one person he could trust with his own need to be manipulated and controlled.
Even Parker, who should have been the nice, uncomplicated relationship that wouldn't threaten Veronica, liked it when Logan first humiliated her -- and she wanted more. Maybe that was a good thing. He was able to keep a lid on the growing violence inside by playing sexual mind games with Parker. It came so easily and at least Parker knew that's what he was doing. Logan was always honest with his partners and sometimes wondered at how quickly the women he was with took to being humiliated, both verbally and physically, during sex. Parker told him it was the combination of his not seeming to care and the honesty in his eyes that said even if he didn't care he wouldn't take advantage. He could also make a girl come with a few carefully drawn out strokes with his hands (and other body parts) coupled with intensely dirty talk about the girl he was manipulating.
Whatever it was, it worked. Except with Veronica who brought every vulnerable area he tried to keep hidden directly to the ultra-sensitive surface. Logan damned her. And he needed her.
"If you think about it -- you'll realize I like it when you hurt me. The best sex we've had is when you get all primal and bobcat. You know what I'm talking about, I know you do. So, what'cha think, Bobcat?" Logan looks at her full on, cocking an eyebrow and half smiling. In her face is confusion followed quickly by realization, chased by her flush, then finished with acknowledgment - with a side of sexual awareness.
Wishing he could hold her but not yet daring to, he says, "I think the reason I do things you can't ignore has something to do with it. It's like, if I can't get you to you hurt me physically during sex, I'll do anything to make you hurt me in other ways. But you end up hurting, too. Or, I think you do even though you always keep it to yourself." Taking a deep breath, "Here's the thing, Veronica, I need you to hurt me."
She's not against this. It shows in her eyes, but her natural inclination is warring with her need to remain in control at all times. He knows that's how she copes.
Hoping to bring her closer to understanding, "Wouldn't it be a hell of a lot better to hit me with canes and paddles because it's fun? Instead of letting crap build up to the point that I piss you off, you leave, and I beat someone up?"
Veronica laughs, "Leave it to you to put it like that. I don't know. There've been a couple of cases dad worked on -- that one that involved a dungeon ..."
He can see she's thinking about that divorce case her dad worked on last year, the one where Keith tailed the husband and found out more than the wife bargained for. The husband was seeing another woman but not in the way the wife suspected. He made weekly visits to a club, a dungeon actually, where he paid to be beaten with canes, crops and paddles; to be humiliated; and a number of other things. A benefit to being a private eye's daughter was that Veronica really had seen the seamiest sides of life. That case, the one she and her dad called "The Telltale Kink," involved one of the richest of the 09'er families.
Veronica laughs uncertainly, "But, Logan. 'The case of the Telltale Kink?' That was, I don't know, so sordid."
"It was only 'sordid,' as you call it, because of the way it played down. And," Logan grinned, "you certainly relished telling me all the details -- right before you pinned me down and had your way with me. You can't tell me you didn't think it was hot."
Oh yeah, she thought it was hot. She had grabbed onto his hair and told him to kiss her. She didn't let go until he had kissed her exactly as she wanted to be kissed. She had pulled his shirt off and straddled him, not letting him take his jeans off until she had rubbed herself against him so thoroughly he was sure she had ruined him. She hadn't. After, came the best part as she had ridden him. It was untutored wildness. His bobcat. Only Lilly had ever come close to understanding the wildness but Lilly had been eminently selfish -- using his weaknesses as a prop to her own unhappiness. Of course, they'd also been way too young.
"Okay, yes. I thought it was hot. I also thought it was, hmm, I don't know --" Veronica sits thinking for a minute, watching him, unsure but interested. "So you're saying you'd like it if I wore 4-inch heels, a black bustier and chased you around the suite with a riding crop?" She shakes her head and chokes back a derisive laugh, "That is just so not me, Logan! Although, right now I do like the idea of a riding crop, with you on the business end of it."
Logan cocks his head and winks. "The thought of you in black fishnets, a bustier, and heels? Now there's a new fantasy to add to my collection and yeah, I do like the thought of you in sexy lingerie." With an evil half grin he says, "Hey, I know. Think you could find the hot little black outfit you wore to that 80's dance when we were juniors in high school? The one with the really short skirt, black lace gloves, and cleavage-showing top? The one that made you look like a very naughty Barbie doll?" He sighs in reminiscence, "Now that was pure sex appeal."
Veronica slaps his arm, "You were way too drunk that night! You could not have remembered what I wore ... you, in your Tom Cruise "Risky Business" shirt, sunglasses, and little else."
"No guy is ever too drunk to appreciate an outfit like that." Logan gives her a lewd wink before his expression turns serious and he continues, "But, no, you don't have to dress up. This is something I'd thought about for a while but, then, with all that happened last winter, well, I didn't think we had any future."
As Veronica tries to interrupt, he puts a finger to her lips, "Yes, Veronica, I know the lion's share of the fault is mine. We are not going to go there again, okay? At least, not right now." He continues, "The thing is, whatever this is between us isn't going away. You try running from it, I try to stop you, you get bitchy, I beat someone up -- it's just crazy."
Crazy is what their relationship has always been and Veronica isn't in the habit of deluding herself. Logan sees her acceptance as she sighs and nods. It's all about to get even crazier but he hopes this time it'll be a healthy crazy and not played out among everyone they know. It's about time they both grew up a little more. It's about time the spontaneous combustion between them ignited for something fulfilling rather than fireworks releasing sparks with no substance.
With Veronica's acceptance, they're able to work out some details. Once she accepts something she embraces it completely. Logan is even able to bring up the second part of this experiment -- letting him have power over her for an evening. He knows this will be the hardest hurdle but he's judged his girl correctly. She's wary but doesn't reject it out of hand.
"While the goal of all this is sexual fulfillment and closeness," Logan tells her, "it's also about laying some demons to rest -- for both of us. For me, it's about getting pain from someone who respects who I am. It will, I hope, allow me to curb that impulsive violent streak." He gives her that evil grin, "Not entirely. I don't think you'd be nearly as attracted if I didn't beat some asshole up to protect you. Only occasionally, of course."
Veronica smiles back with equal wickedness, "Of course."
More seriously, Logan continues, "But you've got demons, too, Veronica. Many of them will lose their power over you when you're topping me. You can use me, and my body, to get out the rage you're still carrying around about the rape -- and now that damned video."
He touches her cheek and looks intently into those dark blue eyes, "But you also need to learn to trust someone besides yourself." At her stormy look, he takes a deep breath, not letting her interrupt, "You know what I'm saying is true. We're both walking disaster areas. We need signs saying 'Beware of Falling Debris' because we've damned near killed each other with the emotional landslides."
Veronica looks, for a moment, as though she's going to tell him something very uncomplimentary about his antecedents and/or man parts -- then realizes she'd only be confirming his words and starts to laugh.
Still she's adamant, "But, Logan, I don't want pain." Shaking her head, "I won't let you do that to me."
"And who said anything about giving you pain?" Logan asks reasonably. "There are many ways to have a power exchange. Pain is only one method. And that's where we'll end this discussion, at least for now." He lays a finger over her lips as he sees she's building up to the personal insult remarks again, "No, really. Let's leave it until after the first experiment." Giving her the lopsided, falsely innocent smile, "And hey, you can insult my family and my man parts all you want while you're whacking me!"
That did the trick. From her look of equally false sweetness, he can tell she's now storing up every horrible thing she can think of to be used later.
2.
She's agreed to it. It's three days later. Logan hasn't felt this nervous since, well, the first time he and Veronica finally had sex. After two years of wanting her, making out, watching her go back to Duncan after the first break up, then she and Logan slowly moving back toward each other, he had been so nervous when they finally got naked he'd been sure he'd come just looking at her. And he had been afraid that his wild need for her would make her unable to enjoy sex with him. They were both surprised, and most pleasantly so, at her primal abandon. She bit, she used her nails to draw blood, she pulled his hair, hard! After the first time, she told him she didn't know she was capable of that kind of wildness. That's when he nicknamed her "Bobcat." He loved to watch her grit her teeth when he did so. Such a combination of restrained lady, first class bitch, and wanton hussy.
They are just finishing a room service dinner in his suite at the Neptune Grand. Dick is on a trip with his dad before Mr. Casablancas goes to jail and won't be back for another couple of weeks. Veronica has been doing things to get ready for her summer internship with the FBI. She'll be going to Virginia at the end of June. That's still a few weeks away and Logan plans to use the time he has with her to the fullest -- or as full as she'll allow.
Sitting at a small table on the balcony of the suite, he and Veronica are finishing coffee and chocolate mousse after a very informal dinner even though neither was able to eat much. They are both dressed casually even though the evening promises to be anything but. Logan is wearing jeans and a long sleeved tee shirt; Veronica has on grey yoga pants and a black tank top. He sighs, remembering his assurance that sexy underwear didn't matter. It didn't, not really, but he would so love to see her in it anyway. Well, maybe another time.
Music is playing throughout the suite, not too loudly. At the moment it's some techno but there's a mix of lots of stuff -- all instrumental and all with a definite beat.
Veronica glances inside the suite every few minutes at the closed door of Logan's bedroom. He told her he had been shopping in the last few days but not what he had purchased. Veronica made the obvious joke about rich boys and their money but Logan has seen more than a few looks of anticipation in her eyes as they chatted through the sparsely eaten dinner.
Okay. That's enough suspense. Logan gets up and takes Veronica's hand to help her up from the table.
"Are you sure?" He asks and could have immediately kicked himself for giving her an out. Still, it has to be her decision, her choice, or it was no good. "You can still say no," and there it is, that damned ethical side that always pops up when he's not sure it should.
"No. I'm sure. I want to do this." The smile she gives him is wicked, "I may be new to all this but I'm seriously pining at the thought of you at my mercy."
That elicits a small groan from Logan, "I'm torn between fear and lust. I'll let you know which one wins out." And he smiles at her as he kisses her palm.
Veronica snorts, "I think I'll be able to tell -- at least about the lust part." She glances down and chuckles, "I'd say the lust has a small lead at this point. Or, is there something in your pocket?"
"Ah, the torture begins," he raises his eyebrows. "Are you planning to continue that ridiculous crap? Or will I have to endure corny clichs along with everything else?" All he gets for this bit of wit is a punch in the arm. He's not surprised.
Logan opens the door to his large bedroom and allows Veronica to go first. At first glance, it looks pretty much as it always does, but as she looks around, the differences slowly become clear. On the long, polished oriental chest in the corner is an assortment of items designed for punishment. Ping pong paddles, canes, a couple of riding crops. There are a few wide leather belts, and although Logan knows they will both have some problems with those he also knows they have to be included.
His large bed is essentially the same, but there are restraint straps added to the corners, attached to the underside of the bed frame. Leather cuffs are sitting on the bedside table, ready to be clipped on to the restraints. Then there's the hardwood post that extends from floor to ceiling. He's always assumed it's ornamental but, oh, the fantasies he's had. Well. Hmm. Anyway, the post now has D-bolts attached at a height just about right for a man who's fairly tall. Others are attached at varying levels. Yeah, the fantasies. He allows himself a small, private smile because Veronica has always been a prominent figure in those fantasies. On both ends. Because Veronica is petite, 5'1", he's also provided a wide step stool. Logan is a full foot taller than Veronica. She'll need the stool to ... well, beyond the practical need to unhook the restraints, she might want to do some hair pulling. Or something.
He watches her intently as she examines everything, her eyes neutral. She also walks around the room eyeing the ceiling and walls. Logan remains silent during her thorough investigation. He knows she needs to make sure -- on her own -- that this will remain private. He also knows that Veronica is more aware than most how important his own privacy is to him. It's a major reason she can trust him; money and infamy do have their occasional important uses.
Logan breaks the extended silence, "Veronica, look at me." He's standing near the chest with its assortment of toys, his eyes candid and honest. She stops her prowling and turns her dark blue gaze to his face. "There are no cameras here. It's just you and me, no one else." He extends a hand and she reaches out to him.
"It's up to you now. What do you want me to do?" He's giving her the kind of power no one but his asshole of a father has ever had; but his father took the power and made Logan pay .. and pay .. and pay .. for some crime Logan had never understood, never had a chance of understanding. With Veronica he could let down his guard with the knowledge she would never make him "less than."
That was what was important. He could never trust his dad but his traitorous body began to enjoy the ritualistic pain of the belt beatings. As an adult, he has finally realized why this petite blonde girl is able to fulfill him as no other woman can: she can hurt him and he can still be a man. By the look of leashed violence and love in her face, Logan knows she's the only one he could ever trust to have complete power over him.
Veronica takes both of his hands in hers then lifts them to her lips, "I want you to take your clothes off; slowly, so that I can watch. We'll go from there."
She may be new to this but she takes command of the situation as though born to it. Why does he feel any surprise? She's been in command since the first time they kissed. Still, as he pulls off the t-shirt then bends to slip off shoes and socks, he keeps his eyes on hers. She stands watching him, unmoving, and he can't remember why he thought she needed sexy underwear. She looks beautiful in the black tank top and grey knit pants; powerful, too. Logan is almost embarrassed to take off the boxer shorts because it's going to be completely obvious what this is doing to him.
But Veronica is full of surprises. "Since you have those belts along with the other toys, I think we should use them first and let one of the demons riding us both have a rest. You got them because of what your dad did to you, right?" At his astonished nod, "And, I think, you also have them because you think I need to punish you for being the one with the drugs at that party when I was sixteen." It's not a question, this time. "Okay then. I think we both want this night to end on a good note. Let's get the crap out of the way first." She nods to herself, "Go over and choose the belt you want me to use on you. Then, lay face down on the bed. It won't be necessary to restrain you for this part."
Logan does as she tells him, looking over the belts and taking one. He hands it to her and, for a moment only, it's as if he were back in the mansion he'd hated, getting a belt for his father to beat him with. Then he offers it to -- not his psychotic, murdering father -- but to Veronica who is looking into his eyes with compassion, grief for their screwed up childhoods, and understanding. There is also residual anger at what had happened to her but the anger is not directed at him. Now, Logan is the one feeling confused but he lays down on the bed, his face hidden in his crossed arms.
He can hear Veronica folding the belt in half. With one hard crack, he feels it hit his buttocks and the remembered pain is there, but not the remembered shame. She hits him with the belt again and begins to talk to him as she continues hitting him.
In an almost conversational tone, she tells him, "You were not responsible for what happened at that party, Logan."
Thwack!
"Don't you know that when I had time to think it all over I realized it? How could I ever be with you intimately if I thought you were responsible? If you hadn't brought the GHB, someone else would have. You didn't put it in my drink and you didn't pour shots down my throat later. What you did was kinda nasty but it wasn't any worse than the other stunts you pulled for a year."
Thwack! And as his skin burns, his mind and heart are beginning to open in a way he's never considered.
"Actually, in your own way, you were protecting me -- just as you always do. Sure, you were supervising the body shots but isn't it interesting that no alcohol was being fed to me? And if one of those moronic adolescents had done any more than take a piece of lime out of my mouth you would have kicked his ass."
Three consecutive thwacks, as though to remind him how big and dumb he can be.
"You stationed yourself over me when I was unconscious and you didn't leave. Yes, you thought you hated me, but after Lilly's death you would have killed anyone who dared to hurt me because in that thick head of yours I was still a friend even if I was a friend you felt had betrayed you."
Veronica has a rhythm going now, not horribly painful but just enough to keep him at the point of even more painful honesty. How had she figured all this out while he had been incapable of doing so?
"You only left when Duncan showed up because you knew I'd be as safe with him as I'd be with you. Would I have been less humiliated? Of course. But you needed to punish me in many creative ways for what you saw as a betrayal. Not one of those creative punishments included bodily harm."
Damn, but she had it right. The pain of the beating was just helping to clarify what she said.
"I forgave you for the nastiness at the same time that I realized you had kept me safe. There was no way you could have known about Duncan's private hell of desire for the girl he'd been told was his sister. There was no way you could have known Duncan was incapable of taking care of me that night."
Three really, really hard thwacks. Logan is caught between burgeoning lust and a desire to turn and gather her up in his arms so that nothing could ever hurt her again. Crap. He's losing it.
"Ok. Next." Now her voice is stern, brooking no argument, " You are not like your father. You never have been. Do you understand me, Logan?"
She has stopped beating him with the belt. Instead, he feels the tenderness of her hands caressing the bruised skin of his buttocks and back. He feels the silent tears of gratitude on his lashes as she does this. He wants to believe her. Because it's Veronica, he is beginning to.
"You have never been like your father. You can be a complete jackass and you can be seriously deranged when you feel you, or someone close to you, is threatened. But you're honest, Logan. Always have been." She smacks him with her hand to make the point. "So. We're done with this punishment. Those belts will never again be seen, right?" He nods as he tries to wipe some of the tears away with his arm.
Now that all that has been taken care of, she smiles, "All right. Can we get to the fun part now? Me beating you senseless so I can use you for animalistic sex?" Logan sits up and grabs her to him, too overwhelmed with gratitude and a growing need to laugh to answer her. Veronica hugs him back, fiercely, and kisses his wet eyelashes. "I've been much too lax. Stand up, hand me those restraints, and get your horny ass up against that wooden post!"
He is laughing as he gets the leather wrists cuffs and hurries over to be restrained against the post. He's also, as she mentioned, seriously horny. And his amazing girl has even more surprises up her sleeve. That's all good because he's recovering some equilibrium -- enough to give her some back talk when she deserves it.
With him restrained to the post, and that took the footstool for her to do, she lets loose with the canes. Damn! But this is some serious pain. He loves it.
There are still some wounds she needs to cleanse, "Why? Why did you have to sleep with Madison of all people during winter break?! Wasn't there some other local bimbo you could have found?" She beats him furiously with the cane.
He tries for sarcasm even though he's so hard he feels it's about to break off, "What? I'm supposed to clear it with you any time I have sex with someone -- even when we're not a couple?"
After that, it becomes a wonderful blur of Veronica-inflicted pain. She breaks one cane in her, um, enthusiasm. What makes Logan want to kneel at her feet is the way her nails follow the path she has marked with the cane. His skin is so sensitive and sore that her nails cause him to shiver with pleasure. As she sees how this affects him, she steps on to the stool, grabs his hair, pulls his head back and kisses him. She nips his lower lip when he tries to prolong the kiss. When he growls his frustration, she just nips harder.
Stepping back off the stool, she picks up one of the paddles. One side is covered in leather, the other in soft fur. "Your skin is a very angry shade of red, Logan," she says softly, stroking the area and putting her lips to his lower back, kissing him gently. "Let me soothe you." He feels the soft fur gliding over his skin and relaxes against the post, taking deep breaths. He hasn't had nearly enough pain, yet, but Veronica's voice and the gentleness of the fur are a welcome respite. She also reaches around with one hand to grasp his now-straining cock. "Yes," she says, "I think the lust is still winning," and he hears the smile in her voice.
"Don't worry, there's fear, too, Veronica," he's able to groan. "'Cause I just know that soft, sweet treatment is hiding your real ... oh, crap!" She's just cracked the wooden side of the paddle across his already welted backside. Three more follow but when he's able to, he almost whimpers, "See? Told ya there was fear." Problem was, the lust was still winning, just as she said.
Dropping the paddle, Veronica uses the stool to change the restraints so he's facing her. She's lost the yoga pants; how did he miss her doing that? Now it's just the tank top and -- oh yeah! -- a pair of black, lacy panties. She's just all sorts of surprising tonight. It's a good thing he can't use his hands or he'd rip those panties off. Hell, he'd do it with his teeth if he could get anywhere near them.
She's breathing hard -- a sheen of sweat on her face and arms. With that wonderful blonde hair caught in messy ponytail, Logan wants to feed on her slick salty skin. Instead, he catches her eyes with his. She comes to him and reaches up to kiss him, hard, one hand entangled in his spiky hair. Her dark blue eyes are almost black with her own arousal. He can't remember ever seeing her so abandoned. She is a glorious bitch -- all five-feet-almost-one-inch of her.
"Hey, Bobcat, why don't you lose the tank top, too?" Logan's voice is low. "I can't touch you and you'd be more comfortable."
Veronica pulls off the top, her breasts free, nipples showing how turned on she is. "How's that? You can see but not touch -- unless I decide to touch you."
She's watching his cock and he's almost sure he'll erupt right in her hand if she touches it. His control is almost gone with all that his little blonde hellcat has been doing to him. Instead, she rubs her nipples against his chest then rakes her nails over his own sensitive nipples, pinching them hard between her fingers until he gasps and begs her not to stop. He groans and his cock throbs painfully. It's all good.
"What should I do to you, now?" Veronica is almost purring. "God, Logan, I don't care how twisted this is. I love watching you helpless with wanting and I have complete control over you." She reaches down for his cock but his harsh, ragged voice stops her.
"Might wanna re-think that, Bobcat. Wouldn't you rather have it inside you when it goes off? There's still one thing you can't control completely and if you touch me now, you'll find out." He's groaning with the effort to slow down his body's reaction. His head drops and he breathes deeply until he can finally meet her eyes, his own dark and yearning.
Her eyes never leaving his, she reaches up and unhooks the cuffs. Veronica takes his hands, leads him over to the bed, and pushes him down. He winces. Yes, sitting's going to hurt for a while. They know each other so well, are so in tune with each other physically that he doesn't need to ask what she wants. He pulls down the sexy black underwear to her ankles and lifts each foot so he can get them completely off of her. He can smell her sweat and wetness, can smell his own sweat. Lifting her easily until she's on his lap, her legs coming around his waist, her eyes tell him to hurry now, she's as ready as he is.
"Don't come yet, Logan," she groans. She sits up, has him inside her and comes as she finishes his name. Oh, shit, this is the worst torture of all as he feels her spasming -- biting her shoulder, hard, to keep himself from what he needs, has to have, and she won't let him have it yet.
"Christ, but you're a bitch, Veronica!" But he's okay, at least for this second. She's barely over her orgasm before she's pushing him back completely against the coverlet. He grabs her hips to keep her in place, and then they're both out of control. Hard and fast, rough, licking the sweat from each other's bodies, biting, then licking again to soothe the bite marks. They are one being as first Logan explodes, then Veronica. And it's still all good. The best.
Veronica collapses and Logan holds her tightly. No hurry now, just a need to not let go of each other, to savor, for each to breathe in the scent of the other. It's a brutal tenderness that probably makes sense to no one else. Logan stroking his fingers over the bite mark on her shoulder, Veronica nuzzling his neck.
A long time later, she is assessing the maze of bruises she's given him. Using only the tips of her fingers she gently outlines each mark. There is only awe and wonder in her face; awe at what she was able to do to him. Wonder at the way they both feel so completely in tune.
Veronica has massaged a soothing cream into the skin she has abused so well. Logan returned the favor by rubbing all the muscle pain out of her shoulders and back. They haven't said much that's coherent but they don't need to. They raided the abandoned dinner table and ate the leftovers in bed.
Now Logan sits up and pulls Veronica onto his lap, her back to his chest, his arms around her.
"So, how about it, Bobcat? Next time do you think you could handle a little gentle cruelty from me? I can almost guarantee you won't regret it." As she turns to face him, he smiles that bad boy smile. It gets her every time.
End Part One.
Word Count: 8,000 (approx)
Rating: NC-17 (Sex, Consensual BDSM, Kink)
Summary: Logan and Veronica confront their problems and their need to be with each other, in a different way.
Timeline: Both parts start one week after "The Bitch is Back."
A/N: This is not a story for everyone. It embraces alternate lifestyles and intmate practices not easily accepted by many.
1.
It shouldn't be a shock to see her in the doorway when he answers the knock. Maybe it's that he's spent a week thinking about where (if at all) they might find some common ground in a murky future. She broke up with Piz the same day as the fight in the food court, gossip courtesy of Dick, but he knew it without being told. The look in her eyes that day had said it all; Veronica has always been turned on by Logan punching someone out on her behalf.
It's been a week since Veronica's dad lost the election for sheriff to Vinnie Van Lowe. A week since Logan beat the crap out of that Russian mob weasel, Gorya Sorokin. A week since he's seen Veronica and with no expectations of seeing her until after the summer, if then. She had said it was going to take time. Of course that was before he'd beaten up Sorokin and seen the expression on her face.
That same day Logan called a few of his father's old movie connections. Since he hadn't gotten a call back until yesterday, he had stayed in the hotel avoiding possible repercussions from Sorokin's Russian mob-connected family. However, Logan's own connection came through, a firm Aaron had researched for one of his tough-guy roles, a firm that specializes in neutralizing threats. That should hold off any violence, at least for a while. It's odd that he should even take such precautions but after last week he finds he's not into challenging death anymore.
Well, that's a thought to pursue some night on the far side of a bottle. Right now, Veronica is standing in the doorway. She seems like a ghost conjured from all he's been thinking about and they just stand staring at each other for that usual second or two too long before he shakes his head to clear it and asks her in.
"Were you just in the neighborhood? Taking a poll? Selling cookies?" Logan gives her the lopsided half smile that always seems to make her relax a little. It works. She looks up and smiles back with a hint of the old Veronica twinkle.
"Actually, would you be interested in financing my next movie? Since the first one was such a hit, I thought it might be nice to get paid." Veronica replies, then, "Oh, crap. That didn't come out right. I may not be over that incident but I really haven't been dwelling on it. It's not like this is new territory."
She shrugs, straightens, and asks if she can sit. Logan gestures to the leather sofa then raids the suite's mini fridge for two bottles of water, handing one to Veronica. Logan sits, for now, on the far side of the L-shaped sofa. He remains silent, watching her, waiting.
"The thing is," Veronica says after a deep breath, "You're the only one who understands." Looking daggers at him so he knows to stay quiet she continues, "I can't talk about this to anyone and -- who would I talk to, anyway? Wallace left two days ago for Uganda. Mac is humoring her family by going on a camping trip in Arizona." She snorts, "Mac hates camping. And, Dad? He ended up tampering with evidence because I couldn't tell him about the video." She shudders slightly; Logan realizes it's the thought of her dad ever seeing that video. "I thought I could make it all go away and he wouldn't need to know. I did make a lot of it go away, but it wasn't in time, was it?" She pauses, looks at Logan, tacitly giving him permission to speak.
"Is it your dad losing the election or the almost-sex video that's the biggest problem, Veronica?" Logan asks, still looking at her straight on, keeping his tone neutral. "And you know I understand so stop with the dirty looks, okay?" His lifted eyebrow makes her relax again. Good.
"It feels like it's all mixed together and I don't like this feeling of guilt," she says, trying to meet his eyes and almost succeeding. "Dad was acting sheriff, I broke in to Jake Kane's house, and ended up taking the hard drive with the huge list of all those 'Castle' members. Sometimes Dad forgets that I'm better than he is at digging up the dirt. Or, maybe it was his being sheriff again? More morality? I wish I knew. If only he'd waited to erase that DVR." She frowns, unsure of herself, "Since the day before the election we haven't felt comfortable around each other. Dad knows about the break in and what was on the hard drive."
Veronica sighs deeply, looking up into Logan's eyes, "But he knows there's something more, something that I can't tell him." Keeping her eyes on his even though he can see it's costing her, she continues, "There are just some things a daughter can't tell her father. The rape when I was sixteen. And this sex video. He'd try to bring every last person involved to justice and end up dead in the process. Worst of all, he'd never be able to look at me again." She sees that Logan is waiting for her to continue, "We'll get over the rift but we'll never be the same. It feels lonely." She looks at him almost pleadingly, "I know I have to grow up. I know Dad and I will drift apart a little, but ... "
She sighs, and changes the subject, "What I don't like most of all is what happened between us." She looks confused again, as though she hadn't quite meant to say that.
Logan takes the bait, "Which 'between us' are you referring to, Veronica?" he says. "There are a hell of a lot to choose from." There's a definite edge to his voice and his eyes flash.
Suddenly, for only a moment, the remembered devastation is annihilating. Veronica, slowly beginning to resent him for trying to look out for her safety. Logan trying to do the right thing and breaking it off so that they can at least share friendship. The night in Aspen with Madison that was only a lonely attempt to find the impossible. Veronica, damn her, coming back and Logan unable to resist having her so close to him again. Veronica, the person who is past and present and a future he has never thought to see. Veronica, who has been a part of him since they were both twelve years old and friends. Veronica, the only person alive who knows him. Veronica, finding out about Madison and leaving. He should have beat up Madison that night she came to the suite when Veronica was there. Why hadn't he thought of that at the time? Two birds with one stone. One skanky girl taken care of and Veronica hot from watching him beat up someone she despises. Nah, it would never have worked. But a guy can dream, huh?
Repressing the memories, he finally sees what the real problem with Veronica is. She can't be daddy's girl anymore, at least not the way she has been. She's growing up and away from Keith; their tight unit of two-against-the-world is shifting. By coming to Logan she is, whether she's completely aware of it yet, inviting him into her own inner circle.
"No, scratch what you thought you just heard. I didn't say it," he drops his head for a moment then looks at her again, this time with more patience. After all the years they've known each other, after all they have been -- friends, lovers, enemies -- she's finally coming to him as an equal. The thought is so completely wonderful, he can afford to be patient, afford to let her take as much time as she needs to realize she has just accepted him in the same way she accepts her dad.
Her own eyes snapping to his, she replies, "You did. And it's okay. If there are few things in the universe that are unchanging at least it's fair to say that the two of us will screw each other around." She smiles at him as she adds, "Oh, and that I'll probably be a bitch and you'll beat someone up."
He smiles back and, just like that, it's better between them. With all the ways they can hurt and misunderstand each other, how can they always find that recognition when it's needed? They know each other too well.
"Have you heard anything from Gory Sorokin?" Veronica asks, relaxing against the sofa. "While it was very satisfying to see that jerk on the floor with blood coming out his nose, his family is scary. And I mean scary as in 'people disappearing and no bodies ever found' scary." Taking a long drink from the water bottle, she continues, "I had a chat with Jake Kane's hit man and he's going to look into stabilizing Gory and his family ..."
Logan tells her about his own arrangement then asks, "You and Clarence Weidman? You are friends with Jake Kane's security guy? Since when?"
"Since the time he needed help with the disappearance of Abel Koontz's daughter," Veronica replies, "and that's all I'll say. Except that, somehow, me and CW ended up with a wary mutual respect for each other's, umm, how shall I say, truth finding abilities? Yeah, that's it." She gives a small grin. "Anyway, I thought he'd be the guy to ask about protecting a big, dumb, ex-boyfriend from a Russian mobster's son after said ex-boyfriend beat the crap out of him to avenge my ... 'honor?' ... even though we both know I don't have any." The grin turns slightly rueful.
Logan gets up and sits down next to her, as he's wanted to do since she came in, and lays his hand against her cheek. Now is the time to let her know what he's been thinking about for the last week. Now, when she isn't pulling away either physically or emotionally. Of all the women he's been with none have the power that Veronica does. Bitchy, prickly, occasionally gentle, always the one woman he can't forget.
"You do know how much I've always admired that bitch inside of you, don't you?" Logan's voice is warm as he continues. "As angry as we can make each other, as screwed up as we can get, you're the only girl who can turn me on just by being a bitch." He half smiles as he goes on, "And -- are you sure I'm still an EX-boyfriend?" Veronica doesn't try to deny anything, but he can tell she's still confused. Obviously, she hadn't come here with an intent to throw herself into his arms. Or, she had told herself she hadn't.
Logan's eyes take her in from her blonde ponytail, past her white t-shirt and jeans, then back up to the dark blue eyes that have always been his downfall. No woman, bitch or not, should be allowed to have eyes that color.
He's tried to move on, tried to be what Veronica dictates even when she doesn't know what she's dictating. After the last break up when he finally realized he wasn't going to physically die, and that was up in the air for a while, after he'd come to a place of calm, he realized what he needed to do to get back the friendship even if nothing more was possible. Be civil and friendly and don't put any pressure on her. It had worked, too. Until all the hurt that was lurking inside came to a head when he saw that video. Then, Logan knew that he could never move on because Veronica was the only person who would ever mean anything.
"I know you don't trust me and that's okay .." Logan starts to tell her.
Veronica interrupts, "That's not completely true, Logan. I trust you as much as I trust anyone .."
Logan shushes her and continues, "It's okay because I trust you. Completely." He takes her hand in his and just lets it rest. "We've tried a lot of ways to make this thing between us work, Veronica. So far, the count isn't in our favor but I don't think either of us can let go. So, what now?"
He glances at her, sees she's listening and not just humoring him, "Okay, so here's the weird part. You know what my father did to me. I hated the abuse and I despised him. Still," and Logan looks down because he's afraid there might be condemnation in her eyes, the one thing he couldn't stand from her, as he continues, "there came a point in my childhood where the beatings became pleasurable. It wasn't that it was my dad who was doing it -- crap, no! But I started to like the pain. Some shrink would have lots to say about that, I'm sure."
Veronica, only slightly surprised, says, "Logan. I think this is the first time you have ever voluntarily talked about your dad's abuse -- at least to me."
"I've never wanted you to see me that way. Pitiful. " Logan swallows and continues, "But I've started to realize that liking pain isn't a bad thing. It's the intent behind the giving and the getting, if that makes sense?" Carefully, wanting to be sure he was clear, he continues, "I think it was the ritual my father set up for 'formal' beatings. I had to go choose the belt I'd get beaten with. After a while I started to get into that. No, I don't want to be burned with a cigarette lighter or have my nose broken. Or, have food forced down my throat until I gag. Those things were momentary cruelties that merely scared the crap out of me. The belt beatings gave me a chance to prepare. And a strange kind of choice. Even a small amount of my own power."
He ventures another upward glance: she's listening intently again, watching him closely. As well as they know each other, Logan has never told her much about what his dad did. She seems to be sorting through a puzzle that has eluded her. A puzzle she's slowly working through. It's a familiar Veronica stance. With others she's quick witted from the get-go but with Logan she's always needed time to process.
"Veronica, you've heard of BDSM, right? Power Exchange? S/M?" Logan knows she has, has even worked on a couple of domestic dispute cases with her dad that involved those things. He's watching her and sees when the puzzle pieces fall into place. She stares at him with comprehension and only a small trace of wariness.
"Yes," she answers, "I know what it is ... but, what does that have to do with you? With me?"
Okay, so not all the puzzle pieces are in place yet. He tends to forget that in one area, sex, he has a lot more experience than she does. He's so used to thinking of her as the one with all the answers but when it comes down to it, she's still only had sex with two people.
Logan, however, has a lot of experience. He's been cruel to sex partners and watched them get off on being hurt and humiliated. For him, it wasn't so much a conscious choice, it was more like he needed to be cruel because no one ever measured up to what he was seeking. It gave him a momentary thrill to see a partner begging him; it made the sex, while still impersonal, a bit more edgy. They ended up wanting more and he usually gave it, but there was always a desire to find the one person he could trust with his own need to be manipulated and controlled.
Even Parker, who should have been the nice, uncomplicated relationship that wouldn't threaten Veronica, liked it when Logan first humiliated her -- and she wanted more. Maybe that was a good thing. He was able to keep a lid on the growing violence inside by playing sexual mind games with Parker. It came so easily and at least Parker knew that's what he was doing. Logan was always honest with his partners and sometimes wondered at how quickly the women he was with took to being humiliated, both verbally and physically, during sex. Parker told him it was the combination of his not seeming to care and the honesty in his eyes that said even if he didn't care he wouldn't take advantage. He could also make a girl come with a few carefully drawn out strokes with his hands (and other body parts) coupled with intensely dirty talk about the girl he was manipulating.
Whatever it was, it worked. Except with Veronica who brought every vulnerable area he tried to keep hidden directly to the ultra-sensitive surface. Logan damned her. And he needed her.
"If you think about it -- you'll realize I like it when you hurt me. The best sex we've had is when you get all primal and bobcat. You know what I'm talking about, I know you do. So, what'cha think, Bobcat?" Logan looks at her full on, cocking an eyebrow and half smiling. In her face is confusion followed quickly by realization, chased by her flush, then finished with acknowledgment - with a side of sexual awareness.
Wishing he could hold her but not yet daring to, he says, "I think the reason I do things you can't ignore has something to do with it. It's like, if I can't get you to you hurt me physically during sex, I'll do anything to make you hurt me in other ways. But you end up hurting, too. Or, I think you do even though you always keep it to yourself." Taking a deep breath, "Here's the thing, Veronica, I need you to hurt me."
She's not against this. It shows in her eyes, but her natural inclination is warring with her need to remain in control at all times. He knows that's how she copes.
Hoping to bring her closer to understanding, "Wouldn't it be a hell of a lot better to hit me with canes and paddles because it's fun? Instead of letting crap build up to the point that I piss you off, you leave, and I beat someone up?"
Veronica laughs, "Leave it to you to put it like that. I don't know. There've been a couple of cases dad worked on -- that one that involved a dungeon ..."
He can see she's thinking about that divorce case her dad worked on last year, the one where Keith tailed the husband and found out more than the wife bargained for. The husband was seeing another woman but not in the way the wife suspected. He made weekly visits to a club, a dungeon actually, where he paid to be beaten with canes, crops and paddles; to be humiliated; and a number of other things. A benefit to being a private eye's daughter was that Veronica really had seen the seamiest sides of life. That case, the one she and her dad called "The Telltale Kink," involved one of the richest of the 09'er families.
Veronica laughs uncertainly, "But, Logan. 'The case of the Telltale Kink?' That was, I don't know, so sordid."
"It was only 'sordid,' as you call it, because of the way it played down. And," Logan grinned, "you certainly relished telling me all the details -- right before you pinned me down and had your way with me. You can't tell me you didn't think it was hot."
Oh yeah, she thought it was hot. She had grabbed onto his hair and told him to kiss her. She didn't let go until he had kissed her exactly as she wanted to be kissed. She had pulled his shirt off and straddled him, not letting him take his jeans off until she had rubbed herself against him so thoroughly he was sure she had ruined him. She hadn't. After, came the best part as she had ridden him. It was untutored wildness. His bobcat. Only Lilly had ever come close to understanding the wildness but Lilly had been eminently selfish -- using his weaknesses as a prop to her own unhappiness. Of course, they'd also been way too young.
"Okay, yes. I thought it was hot. I also thought it was, hmm, I don't know --" Veronica sits thinking for a minute, watching him, unsure but interested. "So you're saying you'd like it if I wore 4-inch heels, a black bustier and chased you around the suite with a riding crop?" She shakes her head and chokes back a derisive laugh, "That is just so not me, Logan! Although, right now I do like the idea of a riding crop, with you on the business end of it."
Logan cocks his head and winks. "The thought of you in black fishnets, a bustier, and heels? Now there's a new fantasy to add to my collection and yeah, I do like the thought of you in sexy lingerie." With an evil half grin he says, "Hey, I know. Think you could find the hot little black outfit you wore to that 80's dance when we were juniors in high school? The one with the really short skirt, black lace gloves, and cleavage-showing top? The one that made you look like a very naughty Barbie doll?" He sighs in reminiscence, "Now that was pure sex appeal."
Veronica slaps his arm, "You were way too drunk that night! You could not have remembered what I wore ... you, in your Tom Cruise "Risky Business" shirt, sunglasses, and little else."
"No guy is ever too drunk to appreciate an outfit like that." Logan gives her a lewd wink before his expression turns serious and he continues, "But, no, you don't have to dress up. This is something I'd thought about for a while but, then, with all that happened last winter, well, I didn't think we had any future."
As Veronica tries to interrupt, he puts a finger to her lips, "Yes, Veronica, I know the lion's share of the fault is mine. We are not going to go there again, okay? At least, not right now." He continues, "The thing is, whatever this is between us isn't going away. You try running from it, I try to stop you, you get bitchy, I beat someone up -- it's just crazy."
Crazy is what their relationship has always been and Veronica isn't in the habit of deluding herself. Logan sees her acceptance as she sighs and nods. It's all about to get even crazier but he hopes this time it'll be a healthy crazy and not played out among everyone they know. It's about time they both grew up a little more. It's about time the spontaneous combustion between them ignited for something fulfilling rather than fireworks releasing sparks with no substance.
With Veronica's acceptance, they're able to work out some details. Once she accepts something she embraces it completely. Logan is even able to bring up the second part of this experiment -- letting him have power over her for an evening. He knows this will be the hardest hurdle but he's judged his girl correctly. She's wary but doesn't reject it out of hand.
"While the goal of all this is sexual fulfillment and closeness," Logan tells her, "it's also about laying some demons to rest -- for both of us. For me, it's about getting pain from someone who respects who I am. It will, I hope, allow me to curb that impulsive violent streak." He gives her that evil grin, "Not entirely. I don't think you'd be nearly as attracted if I didn't beat some asshole up to protect you. Only occasionally, of course."
Veronica smiles back with equal wickedness, "Of course."
More seriously, Logan continues, "But you've got demons, too, Veronica. Many of them will lose their power over you when you're topping me. You can use me, and my body, to get out the rage you're still carrying around about the rape -- and now that damned video."
He touches her cheek and looks intently into those dark blue eyes, "But you also need to learn to trust someone besides yourself." At her stormy look, he takes a deep breath, not letting her interrupt, "You know what I'm saying is true. We're both walking disaster areas. We need signs saying 'Beware of Falling Debris' because we've damned near killed each other with the emotional landslides."
Veronica looks, for a moment, as though she's going to tell him something very uncomplimentary about his antecedents and/or man parts -- then realizes she'd only be confirming his words and starts to laugh.
Still she's adamant, "But, Logan, I don't want pain." Shaking her head, "I won't let you do that to me."
"And who said anything about giving you pain?" Logan asks reasonably. "There are many ways to have a power exchange. Pain is only one method. And that's where we'll end this discussion, at least for now." He lays a finger over her lips as he sees she's building up to the personal insult remarks again, "No, really. Let's leave it until after the first experiment." Giving her the lopsided, falsely innocent smile, "And hey, you can insult my family and my man parts all you want while you're whacking me!"
That did the trick. From her look of equally false sweetness, he can tell she's now storing up every horrible thing she can think of to be used later.
2.
She's agreed to it. It's three days later. Logan hasn't felt this nervous since, well, the first time he and Veronica finally had sex. After two years of wanting her, making out, watching her go back to Duncan after the first break up, then she and Logan slowly moving back toward each other, he had been so nervous when they finally got naked he'd been sure he'd come just looking at her. And he had been afraid that his wild need for her would make her unable to enjoy sex with him. They were both surprised, and most pleasantly so, at her primal abandon. She bit, she used her nails to draw blood, she pulled his hair, hard! After the first time, she told him she didn't know she was capable of that kind of wildness. That's when he nicknamed her "Bobcat." He loved to watch her grit her teeth when he did so. Such a combination of restrained lady, first class bitch, and wanton hussy.
They are just finishing a room service dinner in his suite at the Neptune Grand. Dick is on a trip with his dad before Mr. Casablancas goes to jail and won't be back for another couple of weeks. Veronica has been doing things to get ready for her summer internship with the FBI. She'll be going to Virginia at the end of June. That's still a few weeks away and Logan plans to use the time he has with her to the fullest -- or as full as she'll allow.
Sitting at a small table on the balcony of the suite, he and Veronica are finishing coffee and chocolate mousse after a very informal dinner even though neither was able to eat much. They are both dressed casually even though the evening promises to be anything but. Logan is wearing jeans and a long sleeved tee shirt; Veronica has on grey yoga pants and a black tank top. He sighs, remembering his assurance that sexy underwear didn't matter. It didn't, not really, but he would so love to see her in it anyway. Well, maybe another time.
Music is playing throughout the suite, not too loudly. At the moment it's some techno but there's a mix of lots of stuff -- all instrumental and all with a definite beat.
Veronica glances inside the suite every few minutes at the closed door of Logan's bedroom. He told her he had been shopping in the last few days but not what he had purchased. Veronica made the obvious joke about rich boys and their money but Logan has seen more than a few looks of anticipation in her eyes as they chatted through the sparsely eaten dinner.
Okay. That's enough suspense. Logan gets up and takes Veronica's hand to help her up from the table.
"Are you sure?" He asks and could have immediately kicked himself for giving her an out. Still, it has to be her decision, her choice, or it was no good. "You can still say no," and there it is, that damned ethical side that always pops up when he's not sure it should.
"No. I'm sure. I want to do this." The smile she gives him is wicked, "I may be new to all this but I'm seriously pining at the thought of you at my mercy."
That elicits a small groan from Logan, "I'm torn between fear and lust. I'll let you know which one wins out." And he smiles at her as he kisses her palm.
Veronica snorts, "I think I'll be able to tell -- at least about the lust part." She glances down and chuckles, "I'd say the lust has a small lead at this point. Or, is there something in your pocket?"
"Ah, the torture begins," he raises his eyebrows. "Are you planning to continue that ridiculous crap? Or will I have to endure corny clichs along with everything else?" All he gets for this bit of wit is a punch in the arm. He's not surprised.
Logan opens the door to his large bedroom and allows Veronica to go first. At first glance, it looks pretty much as it always does, but as she looks around, the differences slowly become clear. On the long, polished oriental chest in the corner is an assortment of items designed for punishment. Ping pong paddles, canes, a couple of riding crops. There are a few wide leather belts, and although Logan knows they will both have some problems with those he also knows they have to be included.
His large bed is essentially the same, but there are restraint straps added to the corners, attached to the underside of the bed frame. Leather cuffs are sitting on the bedside table, ready to be clipped on to the restraints. Then there's the hardwood post that extends from floor to ceiling. He's always assumed it's ornamental but, oh, the fantasies he's had. Well. Hmm. Anyway, the post now has D-bolts attached at a height just about right for a man who's fairly tall. Others are attached at varying levels. Yeah, the fantasies. He allows himself a small, private smile because Veronica has always been a prominent figure in those fantasies. On both ends. Because Veronica is petite, 5'1", he's also provided a wide step stool. Logan is a full foot taller than Veronica. She'll need the stool to ... well, beyond the practical need to unhook the restraints, she might want to do some hair pulling. Or something.
He watches her intently as she examines everything, her eyes neutral. She also walks around the room eyeing the ceiling and walls. Logan remains silent during her thorough investigation. He knows she needs to make sure -- on her own -- that this will remain private. He also knows that Veronica is more aware than most how important his own privacy is to him. It's a major reason she can trust him; money and infamy do have their occasional important uses.
Logan breaks the extended silence, "Veronica, look at me." He's standing near the chest with its assortment of toys, his eyes candid and honest. She stops her prowling and turns her dark blue gaze to his face. "There are no cameras here. It's just you and me, no one else." He extends a hand and she reaches out to him.
"It's up to you now. What do you want me to do?" He's giving her the kind of power no one but his asshole of a father has ever had; but his father took the power and made Logan pay .. and pay .. and pay .. for some crime Logan had never understood, never had a chance of understanding. With Veronica he could let down his guard with the knowledge she would never make him "less than."
That was what was important. He could never trust his dad but his traitorous body began to enjoy the ritualistic pain of the belt beatings. As an adult, he has finally realized why this petite blonde girl is able to fulfill him as no other woman can: she can hurt him and he can still be a man. By the look of leashed violence and love in her face, Logan knows she's the only one he could ever trust to have complete power over him.
Veronica takes both of his hands in hers then lifts them to her lips, "I want you to take your clothes off; slowly, so that I can watch. We'll go from there."
She may be new to this but she takes command of the situation as though born to it. Why does he feel any surprise? She's been in command since the first time they kissed. Still, as he pulls off the t-shirt then bends to slip off shoes and socks, he keeps his eyes on hers. She stands watching him, unmoving, and he can't remember why he thought she needed sexy underwear. She looks beautiful in the black tank top and grey knit pants; powerful, too. Logan is almost embarrassed to take off the boxer shorts because it's going to be completely obvious what this is doing to him.
But Veronica is full of surprises. "Since you have those belts along with the other toys, I think we should use them first and let one of the demons riding us both have a rest. You got them because of what your dad did to you, right?" At his astonished nod, "And, I think, you also have them because you think I need to punish you for being the one with the drugs at that party when I was sixteen." It's not a question, this time. "Okay then. I think we both want this night to end on a good note. Let's get the crap out of the way first." She nods to herself, "Go over and choose the belt you want me to use on you. Then, lay face down on the bed. It won't be necessary to restrain you for this part."
Logan does as she tells him, looking over the belts and taking one. He hands it to her and, for a moment only, it's as if he were back in the mansion he'd hated, getting a belt for his father to beat him with. Then he offers it to -- not his psychotic, murdering father -- but to Veronica who is looking into his eyes with compassion, grief for their screwed up childhoods, and understanding. There is also residual anger at what had happened to her but the anger is not directed at him. Now, Logan is the one feeling confused but he lays down on the bed, his face hidden in his crossed arms.
He can hear Veronica folding the belt in half. With one hard crack, he feels it hit his buttocks and the remembered pain is there, but not the remembered shame. She hits him with the belt again and begins to talk to him as she continues hitting him.
In an almost conversational tone, she tells him, "You were not responsible for what happened at that party, Logan."
Thwack!
"Don't you know that when I had time to think it all over I realized it? How could I ever be with you intimately if I thought you were responsible? If you hadn't brought the GHB, someone else would have. You didn't put it in my drink and you didn't pour shots down my throat later. What you did was kinda nasty but it wasn't any worse than the other stunts you pulled for a year."
Thwack! And as his skin burns, his mind and heart are beginning to open in a way he's never considered.
"Actually, in your own way, you were protecting me -- just as you always do. Sure, you were supervising the body shots but isn't it interesting that no alcohol was being fed to me? And if one of those moronic adolescents had done any more than take a piece of lime out of my mouth you would have kicked his ass."
Three consecutive thwacks, as though to remind him how big and dumb he can be.
"You stationed yourself over me when I was unconscious and you didn't leave. Yes, you thought you hated me, but after Lilly's death you would have killed anyone who dared to hurt me because in that thick head of yours I was still a friend even if I was a friend you felt had betrayed you."
Veronica has a rhythm going now, not horribly painful but just enough to keep him at the point of even more painful honesty. How had she figured all this out while he had been incapable of doing so?
"You only left when Duncan showed up because you knew I'd be as safe with him as I'd be with you. Would I have been less humiliated? Of course. But you needed to punish me in many creative ways for what you saw as a betrayal. Not one of those creative punishments included bodily harm."
Damn, but she had it right. The pain of the beating was just helping to clarify what she said.
"I forgave you for the nastiness at the same time that I realized you had kept me safe. There was no way you could have known about Duncan's private hell of desire for the girl he'd been told was his sister. There was no way you could have known Duncan was incapable of taking care of me that night."
Three really, really hard thwacks. Logan is caught between burgeoning lust and a desire to turn and gather her up in his arms so that nothing could ever hurt her again. Crap. He's losing it.
"Ok. Next." Now her voice is stern, brooking no argument, " You are not like your father. You never have been. Do you understand me, Logan?"
She has stopped beating him with the belt. Instead, he feels the tenderness of her hands caressing the bruised skin of his buttocks and back. He feels the silent tears of gratitude on his lashes as she does this. He wants to believe her. Because it's Veronica, he is beginning to.
"You have never been like your father. You can be a complete jackass and you can be seriously deranged when you feel you, or someone close to you, is threatened. But you're honest, Logan. Always have been." She smacks him with her hand to make the point. "So. We're done with this punishment. Those belts will never again be seen, right?" He nods as he tries to wipe some of the tears away with his arm.
Now that all that has been taken care of, she smiles, "All right. Can we get to the fun part now? Me beating you senseless so I can use you for animalistic sex?" Logan sits up and grabs her to him, too overwhelmed with gratitude and a growing need to laugh to answer her. Veronica hugs him back, fiercely, and kisses his wet eyelashes. "I've been much too lax. Stand up, hand me those restraints, and get your horny ass up against that wooden post!"
He is laughing as he gets the leather wrists cuffs and hurries over to be restrained against the post. He's also, as she mentioned, seriously horny. And his amazing girl has even more surprises up her sleeve. That's all good because he's recovering some equilibrium -- enough to give her some back talk when she deserves it.
With him restrained to the post, and that took the footstool for her to do, she lets loose with the canes. Damn! But this is some serious pain. He loves it.
There are still some wounds she needs to cleanse, "Why? Why did you have to sleep with Madison of all people during winter break?! Wasn't there some other local bimbo you could have found?" She beats him furiously with the cane.
He tries for sarcasm even though he's so hard he feels it's about to break off, "What? I'm supposed to clear it with you any time I have sex with someone -- even when we're not a couple?"
After that, it becomes a wonderful blur of Veronica-inflicted pain. She breaks one cane in her, um, enthusiasm. What makes Logan want to kneel at her feet is the way her nails follow the path she has marked with the cane. His skin is so sensitive and sore that her nails cause him to shiver with pleasure. As she sees how this affects him, she steps on to the stool, grabs his hair, pulls his head back and kisses him. She nips his lower lip when he tries to prolong the kiss. When he growls his frustration, she just nips harder.
Stepping back off the stool, she picks up one of the paddles. One side is covered in leather, the other in soft fur. "Your skin is a very angry shade of red, Logan," she says softly, stroking the area and putting her lips to his lower back, kissing him gently. "Let me soothe you." He feels the soft fur gliding over his skin and relaxes against the post, taking deep breaths. He hasn't had nearly enough pain, yet, but Veronica's voice and the gentleness of the fur are a welcome respite. She also reaches around with one hand to grasp his now-straining cock. "Yes," she says, "I think the lust is still winning," and he hears the smile in her voice.
"Don't worry, there's fear, too, Veronica," he's able to groan. "'Cause I just know that soft, sweet treatment is hiding your real ... oh, crap!" She's just cracked the wooden side of the paddle across his already welted backside. Three more follow but when he's able to, he almost whimpers, "See? Told ya there was fear." Problem was, the lust was still winning, just as she said.
Dropping the paddle, Veronica uses the stool to change the restraints so he's facing her. She's lost the yoga pants; how did he miss her doing that? Now it's just the tank top and -- oh yeah! -- a pair of black, lacy panties. She's just all sorts of surprising tonight. It's a good thing he can't use his hands or he'd rip those panties off. Hell, he'd do it with his teeth if he could get anywhere near them.
She's breathing hard -- a sheen of sweat on her face and arms. With that wonderful blonde hair caught in messy ponytail, Logan wants to feed on her slick salty skin. Instead, he catches her eyes with his. She comes to him and reaches up to kiss him, hard, one hand entangled in his spiky hair. Her dark blue eyes are almost black with her own arousal. He can't remember ever seeing her so abandoned. She is a glorious bitch -- all five-feet-almost-one-inch of her.
"Hey, Bobcat, why don't you lose the tank top, too?" Logan's voice is low. "I can't touch you and you'd be more comfortable."
Veronica pulls off the top, her breasts free, nipples showing how turned on she is. "How's that? You can see but not touch -- unless I decide to touch you."
She's watching his cock and he's almost sure he'll erupt right in her hand if she touches it. His control is almost gone with all that his little blonde hellcat has been doing to him. Instead, she rubs her nipples against his chest then rakes her nails over his own sensitive nipples, pinching them hard between her fingers until he gasps and begs her not to stop. He groans and his cock throbs painfully. It's all good.
"What should I do to you, now?" Veronica is almost purring. "God, Logan, I don't care how twisted this is. I love watching you helpless with wanting and I have complete control over you." She reaches down for his cock but his harsh, ragged voice stops her.
"Might wanna re-think that, Bobcat. Wouldn't you rather have it inside you when it goes off? There's still one thing you can't control completely and if you touch me now, you'll find out." He's groaning with the effort to slow down his body's reaction. His head drops and he breathes deeply until he can finally meet her eyes, his own dark and yearning.
Her eyes never leaving his, she reaches up and unhooks the cuffs. Veronica takes his hands, leads him over to the bed, and pushes him down. He winces. Yes, sitting's going to hurt for a while. They know each other so well, are so in tune with each other physically that he doesn't need to ask what she wants. He pulls down the sexy black underwear to her ankles and lifts each foot so he can get them completely off of her. He can smell her sweat and wetness, can smell his own sweat. Lifting her easily until she's on his lap, her legs coming around his waist, her eyes tell him to hurry now, she's as ready as he is.
"Don't come yet, Logan," she groans. She sits up, has him inside her and comes as she finishes his name. Oh, shit, this is the worst torture of all as he feels her spasming -- biting her shoulder, hard, to keep himself from what he needs, has to have, and she won't let him have it yet.
"Christ, but you're a bitch, Veronica!" But he's okay, at least for this second. She's barely over her orgasm before she's pushing him back completely against the coverlet. He grabs her hips to keep her in place, and then they're both out of control. Hard and fast, rough, licking the sweat from each other's bodies, biting, then licking again to soothe the bite marks. They are one being as first Logan explodes, then Veronica. And it's still all good. The best.
Veronica collapses and Logan holds her tightly. No hurry now, just a need to not let go of each other, to savor, for each to breathe in the scent of the other. It's a brutal tenderness that probably makes sense to no one else. Logan stroking his fingers over the bite mark on her shoulder, Veronica nuzzling his neck.
A long time later, she is assessing the maze of bruises she's given him. Using only the tips of her fingers she gently outlines each mark. There is only awe and wonder in her face; awe at what she was able to do to him. Wonder at the way they both feel so completely in tune.
Veronica has massaged a soothing cream into the skin she has abused so well. Logan returned the favor by rubbing all the muscle pain out of her shoulders and back. They haven't said much that's coherent but they don't need to. They raided the abandoned dinner table and ate the leftovers in bed.
Now Logan sits up and pulls Veronica onto his lap, her back to his chest, his arms around her.
"So, how about it, Bobcat? Next time do you think you could handle a little gentle cruelty from me? I can almost guarantee you won't regret it." As she turns to face him, he smiles that bad boy smile. It gets her every time.
End Part One.
